Tasty Dip

Here's a recipe for a tasty, lo-cal dip. You will be surprised by the secret ingredient!

Fiesta Dip

1 pkge of Hidden Valley Fiesta Ranch Dip
16 ox low cal small curd cottage cheese
1 heaping tablespoon of no fat sour cream

Blend all ingredients in a blender, until it is smooth.
Keep refridgerated.

This dip rates a "WOW!" from the hubby! Enjoy

Well, I'm at the 10 week mark. Total weight lost: 14 lbs, 8 oz. I sometimes feel like I am a turtle, slowly moving to the finish line. But maybe this is the secret to keeping it off. Changing my lifestyle, for me. Taking care of me. After all the years of taking care of others, it's my turn. Sounds just a bit selfish, doesn't it?

I'm really having a hard time controlling my emotional eating, though. There has been a huge fracturing amongst my siblings, and I feel that I may be perceived by my parents as the problem. ( Only this is something we never talk about. ) Several years ago, my only sister came to my rescue when I was deathly ill after cancer surgery. She literally nursed me back to health. I feel that I can never repay that debt...that I owe her my life. But this whole religion/politics thing has torn us apart. I finally stood up for myself. I realized I can not change my entire value, or belief system, just because she wants me to. I have to stay true to who I am. Denying that means I don't really exist as me. This does not mean I don't believe in God, I do, just that I do not believe in her chosen path. It's not for me. So, we haven't talked in 10 weeks. (Coincidently, right when I joined WW.) I miss her...but there is a wall now between us, and I don't think it can ever be torn down. I drove 5 hrs last weekend to visit my parents on Father's Day. Since they live with my sister, I was anxious about seeing her, how it would go. She chose not to be home when I visited. I left a birthday gift for my 6 yr old niece. No acknowledgement. So there appears to be no meeting half way. It's so very sad.
But I can't continue to dwell on it, because I see myself slipping into old habits. Can't let that happen!


New subject: Important Things I have learned these last 10 weeks!

Stay away from greasy fast food! Major intestinal Havoc! Enough said!
Having more energy really does feel better than junk food tastes!
Fresh fruits are actually quite good!
Still not loving the veggies...or more accurately, they don't love me!
It's not about deprivation...it's about making smarter choices!
Writing in this blog helps me remember why I'm doing this...so post more often!
I've got to move more. I hate exercise more than I dislike veggies, but I've got to move more!

SLOW AND STEADY WINS THE RACE!

Random Thoughts

I have sorely neglected my postings this week. so much happening in family life...things got away from me. I had my second weigh in last Thurs, lost 3 1/2! I was happy, yet kinda dissappointed that it wasn't more. i was soo motivated. It's been pretty downhill since then. Actually, I know I've done better than that sounds. It's just that I've eaten out several times in the last week, so that always throws a curve into the plans.

I had a great day Saturday. Went to the St. Louis Soulard Farmers Market. This market has een here forever, in a quaint neighborhood in St. Louis. Kind of reminded me of Arlington ,VA.
Anyways, me and the hubby went to check it out for our first visit since last summer. The place was packed with people and vendors selling everything from bedding plants to meats, bakery items and of course fruit and vegetables. I'm still kicking myself that I didn't bring my
camera..It would be so cool to post some pictures here. We decided to get some tomato and green pepper plants, along with some fresh herbs. I bought dill, thyme, oregano, two kinds of basil and some rosemary. We planted them in containers, to 1) avoid digging and hard manual labor, and 2) we have three dogs. (You know what dogs will do!) Since I am reeducating myself on how to eat and cook, I thought having fresh herbs would be interesting to try.

We went to a great place for lunch..an Irish pub called McGurks. They have an absolutely beautiful outdoor patio and garden with fountains, and a waterfall and pond filled with Koi fish. Perfect setting, sunny day, a great guy with me, and I choose the most awful choice for lunch. The food was great, don't get me wrong, but I ordered a Reuben. I love those things. But the fat, the cheese, the fat!! I ate 3/4 of it. I restrained myself from the last 1/4. Interestingly, I didn't beat myself up too much on that choice. I enjoyed it, but got back on the wagon after.
I just hope I still lose a pound or two when I weigh tomorrow. Ooops, the old man is home, I've got to feed him. Be back later.

Mmmm, Pizza!

After I weighed in last Thurs., I was planning on treating myself to a Hardees sausage and egg biscuit. I had exactly 10 minutes to make it there after the meeting, before they started serving lunch. I was following old habits...treating myself with something bad, because I had done something good, like lose a few pounds. I realized that this treat system hadn't worked real well in the past, and besides, I had worked hard to lose those a 5 lbs! So I didn't go to Hardees. (By the way, I went to Hardees for that same biscuit right before I went to WW to sign up. And I wore my heaviest jeans...trying to play beat the scale)

So I went home, and started rummaging thru the fridge. And inspiration took hold! Why not make a pizza on a whole wheat tortilla? So I did! Warning: the following pictures may make you hungry for one!

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees. Put a whole wheat tortilla (I used burrito sized) on a pan, and put in oven while preheating. This will give you a crispier crust.

Once the oven is preheated, remove the tortilla and add 1/4 cup of Ragu Pizza sauce, and some Italian Seasonings.

I added some Canadian bacon, pepperoni sliced thin. But truth be told, I couldn't even taste it, so next time I will save myself the 1 point.

Next, I added some green peppers, onions, and mushrooms that I had caramelized with a little bit of extra virgin olive oil. You can also steam the veggies in the microwave for 3 minutes.

Then I added 1/4 cup of 2% Mozzarella cheese.

Bake the pizza for about 5 minutes, until the cheese is melted and golden looking.

Doesn't it look good? It was sooo yummy! And very satisfying, and it only took 10 minutes to throw together...less time than waiting in a drive thru lane!

Points

1 Whole wheat Tortilla 3

1/4 cup 2% Mozz cheese 2

8 thin slices Canadian bacon 1

Vegies and sauce 0

1 tsp olive oil 1

Total 7 pts

Next time I make this, I will skip the Canadian bacon (couldn't taste it) and I will just microwave the veggies, and save myself 2 pts.

Week One

I survived! I made it thru a whole week, followed the plan, and lost 5 lbs!!! Yeah! It wasn't as hard as I thought, but I did make some mistakes. I learned some hard facts about myself, also.

My first "official" day of hard core following the plan was Saturday. In retrospect, maybe not the best choice. First off, the hubby is home. He has a lot of influence on meal choices. He wanted Jimmy Johns for lunch, and truthfully, so did I. So thinking I was making a smart choice, I had him get me a turkey sub. Mmmmm...it was delicious! After I was all done enjoying that sub, I decided to look it up to get the calorie info, and figure out how many points I had just eaten. Oh. My. God. That sub had 555 calories, 26 grams of Fat, and 24 grams of Protein. When trying to convert that to W.W. point system , it was literally off the charts! It was over 12 pts!! That's a lot when you only get 31 pts per day! I had doomed myself before I hardly got started!

After my shock and disappointment in myself, I realized that all was not lost. I had 35 extra points to spread across the week. It was not exactly how I wanted to start, but it taught me a valuable lesson. PLAN what you are eating, before you eat it! Later in the week, DH (dear hubby) wanted to meet me at Quizno's. So I immediately looked up it's point value in my handy dandy WW dining out book. I found two subs that were 6-7 pts. , the Traditional at 7 pts, and the Honey bourbon chicken at 6. Now my usual favorite's range from 11-19 pts. It was sooo empowering to make that decision to stay with in the guidelines, yet still be able to go out to lunch. Kudos for me....a small step in the right direction.

Now for the hard facts part of this story. My relationship with certain siblings can have a huge impact on how I view myself, and how I feel about myself. A little background.... About 13 yrs ago, we moved 300 miles away from my parents and siblings, for my husband's job. As the years went on, our relationships were based on seeing each other at holidays. Maybe 1 or 2 times a year. While I and my family were living our lives here in Southern Il, my siblings were finding new directions for their lives, as people often do. Several of them became born again Christians. I myself was raised Catholic, and admittedly, I am a lapsed Catholic. And a liberal.
The sibs are very conservative. Our differences really came to light with the advent of Facebook, and the last Presidential election. Being the outspoken people we are, Facebook became a hotbed for the expression of our differing opinions.

Long story short, the latest scuffle involves the premise that if you support President Obama, you can't be a Christian. Cut and Dried. Either your in, or your out. So of course, I am out, because I do support the President. A recent post from a sib really, really had me angry. I was so angry that I had to leave the house, because I wanted to eat. So I went out and tried a little retail therapy. Two hours later I was still burning mad, and hurt, and feeling worthless in their eyes. I was in line to make a purchase, and there was a display of M&M's...plain and peanut. And I wanted them both bad, real bad. I deserve this! I thought. I need this chocolate...it will calm me down. And then it occurred to me that I was letting those negative comments from the sib control me. And amazingly, I did not have to give them that control. When that realization hit me, I was able to walk away from that chocolate.

I had never really thought about how my emotions impact my eating. I am stuffing food into my face in an effort to make myself feel better. But that doesn't really make me feel better, only worse. I know that I really can never change my family's opinion of me, unless I want to change who I am, and what I believe, to suit them. I need to let this go, and concentrate on my health, both physically, and emotionally. I need to find out within myself why their opinion even matters to me. I have a wonderful husband (who they don't like) and three great kids. why can't that be enough

The Journey Begins

Welcome to my Journey. A journey to lose weight. A journey to find out why I have ALWAYS been overweight. A journey to rediscover who I am, and who I want to become

So last week I joined Weight Watchers. Again. Many years ago I used to go with a friend. We used to go weigh in, and than out to lunch. Needless to say, we eventually stopped weighing in, but still continued going out to lunch! I really had my doubts if fit would work for me, until a really good friend told me if I work it, it will work. So I took the plunge.


I have to say that I was really getting the pressure to lose weight, ever since I started seeing a new doctor last December. My blood pressure was up, my blood sugars were up. Both my parents have high blood pressure, diabetes, and various heart ailments. I know that this is my future, if I continue as always have.

Six years ago, I was probably in the best shape I had been in a long time. I had lost 50 pounds working for Walgreens as an asst. manager. I literally worked my ass off in a years time.Then I was diagnosed with cancer. Rectal cancer. I needed radiation, chemotherapy, and surgery. I was left with a permanent colostomy, and scars like gulleys up and down my abdomen. I made it thru 6 weeks of being bed ridden with infections. The one bright spot in that whole terrible time was that every day I lost 2-3 lbs!. Three weeks after surgery, I had lost 30 lbs!! In my pain killer induced brain, I thought that this was the greatest thing. I was finally down 80 lbs!!! How sick was that?? I was literally wasting away, and I was joyful.

After 8 months of chemo, I was ready to jump start my life. Or so I thought. My husband and I planned a getaway trip to Florida, to savor our victory over cancer, and to just plain relax.

Ahh , the best made plans. My plans for strolls along the beach were dashed when my knees just gave out on me. It was so painful to walk even a few steps. I couldn't even walk across the street to get to the beach! When we returned home, it was off to the doctors. Long story short, my years of being overweight had totally destroyed my cartilage, and I would need to have both knees replaced. So I had two knee surgeries two months apart, with rehab for 4 months. That was the beginning of the end of my 80 lb weight loss.

Me, Christmas 2008

Which brings me back to today, two years later, and my heaviest ever. For the last 6 mos I have been trying (half heartedly, I admit) to lose weight. On my own. Didn't do so well. I'd lose 5 lbs, and then gain it right back. and every time I went to the doctor, she would give me nothing but grief over it. I guess it was nice that she cared, but it just made me feel beaten up. God knows I was beating myself up over my weight, I didn't need the extra help. My husband was on my case everyday to go walking with him at the Y. So I gave in, and went with him. He informed me 16 laps equaled a mile, so why don't I just walk those 16 laps to start off with. HA! I barely made it to 2. So that was the end of that!

I don't know what made me decide to try W.W. again. I figure I have nothing but weight to lose, and everything (my life) to gain. Stay tuned for my next post; I learned some interesting things about myself, a key to my chronic fatness. And, I will reveal how my first week went.

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